This is how to connect up a 12vDC 4 pin aftermarket automotive relay.

Remember to fit an appropriatly sized fuse.
To work out what size fuse you need, divide the total wattage of your ancilliary items by the voltage.
Example
2x 55 watt spotlamps = 110 watts.
110w / 12v = 9.167Amps
Allow 40% for initial surge = 3.667A
9.167A + 3.667A = 12.834A
Fit 15A fuse
I know it will look a little complicated to some, but it really is a simple calculation. Don't forget to allow for the initial surge when selecting your fuse size - you will be amazed how many 'pros' can't figure out why a 10A fuse blows when fitted to 2x 55w spots
